Wednesday, August 26, 2009

today, publishers lunch is driving INTERN insane

Deal News
Fiction/Debut
"Dovey-Lou Supreme's ALL-PURPOSE WAFFLE, pitched as Infinite Jest meets Everybody Poops, in a deal so awesome it makes other deals look like chain beatings rather than actual deals, in a three-book deal, to HarperCollins, with foreign rights to every country in the UN, and extraterrestrial rights on Betelgeuse and Pluto. For now."

INTERN NEED COFFEE.

17 comments:

  1. "Welcome to the BOOKBRUNCH headlines newsletter.

    To subscribe to a full helping of news and views, click here. Whereupon you'll have to pay. Through your snotty nose.


    **EXCLUSIVE** GOOGLE BUYS PUBLISHING INDUSTRY.
    St. Nicolas 'Unbridled' Glee

    In a move that represents the definite loss of your job, Goog [Read more]"

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  2. It's my dream to be the feature in just such a deal, but my dream also includes Neil Gaiman baking me a red velvet cake to congratulate me, so not much chance of either happening.

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  3. Way back when, I remember seeing the book, "Everybody Poops" in Target with my best friend.

    We sat on the floor and wept for laughing so hard.

    You go, Dovey-Lou Supreme!
    :D
    G.

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  4. All I ever want to type over here now is Murm.

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  5. I'm sorry, is that for real? If so that is the coolest announcement ever.

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  6. *hands INTERN a triple-tall latte from some environmentally-conscious coffee shop* Good luck. Sounds like you'll need it.

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  7. Maybe someday I shall have a Betelgeuse deal *with* a chain beating. When I do, dearest INTERN, I shall bring a caffeine enema just for you!

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  8. Pamela, I'd bet Neil Gaiman would totally bake you a red velvet cake.

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  9. Infinite Jest meets Everybody Poops. That's a book I would pay good money for.

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  10. Pamala, can I borrow that dream? Neil wouldn't even have to bake the red velvet cake. Maybe he could just make the tea.

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  11. Somehow I miss the joke... everybody poops, except Orson Wells, he just exploded! Now that's a walnut crackin' sphincter!

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  12. Sh*t, we totally form-rejected that one.

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  13. I always feel funky about pitching my book as a this-meets-that. None of them ever seems close. Maybe I should stop trying to pair Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea with the Sears Catalog. There's gotta be a better way to describe my novels...

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  14. Funny thing is that a teenager's life is like an "issue dump" sometimes. Here's the YA story in my house this week: longtime girlfriend dumps boy, boy says "I want to kill myself!" and rips all his posters down, his brother is caught smoking weed in his room, his best friend's father loses job and best friend has to take semester off since he can't pay tuition, boy tries to quit smoking, old crazy girlfriend makes the moves on him, boy wonders if he should quit school, beg his girlfriend to come back, or... stay tuned...I am.

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  15. You're absolutely right, Anon 1:32. I teach school, so I've got a whole building full of teenage melodrama from which to glean my novels' fodder. The principal fears I'll sell my books and get famous someday, quitting my job and leaving her to cry her eyes out when test scores plummet in the hands of a novice first year teacher.

    Hardy harr harr. Even if I became rich as Stephenie Meyers, I wouldn't quit my day job. Where would I get all my great plot ideas? Not to mention the humorous things the dumb jocks say. I love those brainless neanderthals! Bring 'em on!

    Jock: Hey Mrs. Fogelsong, I think Heather has obsessive compulsive disorder.

    Teacher: Do you know what that means?

    Jock: Yeah, she gets her stuff done early.

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