Tuesday, February 9, 2010

editorial meeting schmozamerang

Things you should be aware of for 2010-2011:

-literary writing involving women with bodies shaped like cellos is OUT

-Buddhism is IN, but only Zen Buddhism, and only if it is alluded to coyly (no more overt Zen Buddhism—GAWD!)

-Herons are no longer considered poetic and any ms with descriptions of herons are to be tossed on the aforementioned pyre.

-Titles involving "geometry words" are IN.

-Works involving unreliable narrators are IN.

-Works that are virtually indistinguishable from all the other Works on the list are OUT.

-Works by young writers who died tragically and suddenly within the past five years are IN.


In other news, INTERN had the good fortune of meeting one of her favorite youngish writers last week when he swung by Venerable McPulitzer to say hello. His writing won a bunch of distinguished awards last year. By day, he works at Whole Foods cutting up pineapple samples. Somehow, this made INTERN feel terribly excited about the world, because she realized that geniuses are lurking everywhere, that there is indeed a kind of Secret Society of geniuses working at everyday jobs, and they are all too friendly and humble to mention that their work was recently featured in the New Yorker when you ask them in which aisle to find the quinoa, but if you look very carefully at their eyes you can sometimes tell...


  1. Works by young writers who died tragically and suddenly within the past five years are IN.

    Um, I'm gonna pass on this particular technique. I'll do the heron/triangle thing.

  2. Geometry words! I can do that! I even can cut up pineapple for good measure...

  3. So...

    The Triangular Subtle Buddhist With A Piano-shaped Body Finds Love, by Sir Unreliable McDeadpants?

    Oh dear.

  4. So if I’d only spontaneously combusted five years ago, I’d have my ticket in? Dang, this business is brutal.

  5. How about literary writing BY women with bodies shaped like cellos?

  6. Well, I guess I'd better hop to it and send you my manuscript, "The Angle Of The Hypotenuse Plus A Wasp-Waisted Woman Equals Death."

  7. LOL Sharen!

    Intern, I love the "secret society" concept. It makes me feel better about the world too!

  8. I wrote a pitch sketch based on the editorial meeting smoozameringue parameters and was about to post it when I realized it contained dambreaks for a trunk story that's been moldering in the dark. Redacted therefore so I can try it out in the story.

  9. Well, look deep into my eyes and get me a big fat advance. How's that for genius?

    Can't do that? Then may I interest you in a nice slice of pinapple?

    QED I think.

  10. How cool that you met an admired writer.
    These media-related jobs do have their perks -

  11. What about literary writing written BY women with bodies shaped like cellos?

    Tell me I'm in with a chance :)

  12. Does your average editor actually know anything about non-Zen Buddhisms? I'm serious; would they actually be able to tell the difference between Theravada or Vajrayana Buddhism, for instance?

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