Venerable McPulitzer Internal Memo 04/02/10: Attn. All Staff
-Unsolicited submissions from direct descendants of Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, and F. Scott Fitzgerald shall be processed and responded to expediently. All others shall be burned on the pyre.
-You may not have ever been formally introduced to the Editor-in-Chief, or seen him at all, or indeed had any evidence of his existence except for that one time you thought you heard a hearty baritone behind the door marked Editor-in-Chief making disparaging remarks about the service at the Plaza Hotel—but this does not mean the Editor-in-Chief does not exist. We assure you that he does exist, and that he is very, very busy.
-No drinking of fine whiskies before noon.
-Interns’ shoes shall be polished at all times.
-Interns’ work shall be checked over in triplicate and signed off by no less than three Authorities before it shall be considered complete.
-All staff and interns shall study the Black Book regularly for an updated list of Literary Agents we are currently snubbing.
-All staff and interns shall study the Grey Book regularly for a list of Midlist Authors whose phone calls we are not ever returning.
-All staff and interns shall study the Red Book regularly for a list of Well-Moneyed People we are currently in bed with.
-No whistling ‘pon the stairs.