Wednesday, March 9, 2011

INTERN returns!

When last INTERN poked her head into the blogosphere, she was grease-stained and coolant-soaked and half-insane from breathing in too many Spaceship Fumes whilst repairing the van she had been living in with Techie Boyfriend for the past six months. INTERN is happy to report that her days of living in a motor vehicle are now over, and that she is finally ready to return to a slightly less auto-shoppy existence—and to this blog.

INTERN and Techie Boyfriend are currently holed up at a secret hideaway in the hills of Mendocino County, California, where they spend most of their time studying cougar scat and making elaborate plans to catch wild boars using ingenious and entirely humane traps built out of manzanita twigs and duck spit (not to fret—INTERN is still herbivorous. But only until she catches her first boar.) Those of you who have known INTERN for some time will be intrigued to know that INTERN and Techie Boyfriend are living here under the patronage of Hippie Roommate’s high-powered boyfriend (yes, that Hippie Roommate! what a dear!) who owns pretty much the entire state of California. Vampire Roommate has slipped off INTERN’s radar—although last she heard, he was still working at the Boys’ and Girls’ Club (!!!) and sharpening his fangs in the bathroom mirror.

As you have no doubt already deduced, INTERN is no longer an intern any sort (unless you count cougar scatology) nor indeed affiliated with the publishing industry in any official capacity except as a troublesome author whose tendency to have no fixed address causes her publisher no end of despair. She has decided to come back to this blog (and this particular pseudonym, rather than FORMER INTERN or something awful like that) because over the past few months she’s started to feel a yearning to reconnect. She has done her months of wandering, put in her lonely hours, sat in her proverbial bat-infested cave, waiting for a vision—and now it’s time to come home. Oh yes, and she missed you.

Part of INTERN wishes she could report that during her six-month absence from this blog, she had netted some twenty-book ├╝ber-deal or authored a mystical text on par with The Tibetan Book of the Dead or launched a dozen secret blogs she never told you about or spawned a batch hyper-literate octuplets who are at this very moment being interviewed by the New Yorker. But to tell you the truth, that’s not what INTERN did. What INTERN mostly did was sit in her bat-cave fretting over the idea of Quality and berating herself to get Serious about her Art*. Incidentally, she also learned how to juggle three balls. Neat-o!

Going forward, INTERN feels the need to make certain Declarations about this blog. You can probably guess what they are, but here goes anyway:

-INTERN reserves the right to de-anonymize at some point, at her sole discretion. This means you might check this blog someday only to discover that it is in fact written by a thick-ankled old snake wrangler from Bryan, TX or an eleven-year old Siberian orphan ensnared in childhood by Intern Slavers from New York (what? you don’t know about the Intern Slavers? what a scoop.) She probably won’t do it anytime soon (or perhaps ever). But maybe!

-INTERN also reserves the right to outsource this blog to India should her intensive schedule of boar-hunting and manuscript revision prove too cumbersome.

-INTERN furthermore reserves the right to shift the focus of this blog from writing to Jungian theory and drop some serious apocatastasis on your animas. YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Oh, screw declarations. You all know why INTERN is here. She doesn’t need to declare nothin’.

It’s good to be back.

With infinite adoration and gratitude,

INTERN


*being cougar scatology.

39 comments:

  1. Welcome Back!

    I am so wonderfully pleased to have radio INTERN back on the dial.

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  2. Welcome back!

    Apocatastasis sounds like something you could paralyze a wild boar with.

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  3. OMG INTERN I'VE MISSED YOU!!!

    So glad to have you back!!

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  4. YAY! Excited about this! Fragments!

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  5. Glad to hear that you're alive, well, and educated in the deeper meanings of feline poo! And I'm intrigued at these possible blog changes.

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  6. yay! Welcome back; you've been missed.

    Sounds like quite an adventure. The three-book deal on cougar scatology is, I assume, in the works as soon as the publisher finds your new address.

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  7. YAY! Throwing ticker tape and confetti! (Well, we already had it from Mardis Gras, but if not, I would go get some!)

    Missed you. Watch out for cougars.

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  8. Laurel: wait—are you talking about THAT kind of cougar? way out here in the hills? oh no!

    David: wild boars can't stand apocatastasis. it makes them grumpy.

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  9. Welcome back! Glad to have you back!

    Weirdly, I'm reading Isable Myers-Briggs book on type theory right now. Jungian theory would be quite welcome.

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  10. I have missed your blog, INTERN! Good luck catching boars in California. I hear they're pretty tasty.

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  11. Yay! Welcome back to blogosphere!

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  12. Welcome back, Intern! You were missed.

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  13. Woo-hoo! Intern is back! Be careful out there with those boars.

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  14. Pleased to see you around these parts again, you'll brighten up my Google Reader.
    And if you are still taking on freelance editing work, and if anyone out there is considering your services, I can very much vouch for how helpful they can be. If you remember, you gave me some very helpful tips regarding an MG novel about a mustached child detective named Brock Rockster, and with a good deal of help from your notes, I overhauled the ms and was able to snag the representative services of Louise Fury from the L. Perkins Agency. So thanks, and welcome back!

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  15. Welcome back, Intern! We missed you and look forward to your new insights.

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  16. Welcome back. And hello from Sonoma County!

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  17. I am so glad to see you've returned to us! We have been waiting patiently, offering small newage-ish burnt sacrifices in preparation for this day!

    Hooray!!!

    -- Tom

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  18. Missed you! Welcome back...btw...loved the book.

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  19. Welcome back, Intern. You have been missed. Oh, and declare anything you want. I'm just happy you're back!

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  20. YAHOO!

    We missed you intern, glad you're back! See, we've been waiting....

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  21. Davy—YOU GOT AN AGENT, HOORAY!!!

    mzmackay: declare anything INTERN wants? seriously? OK; 'tis officially declared Casual Thursday!

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  22. Welcome back!! We're so glad to have you : )

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  23. Juggling is good. It's practice for when you have a book contract AND a life. Welcome back.

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  24. Yay! I was legitimately thrilled to see this in my feed. :)

    I shall now resume my lurking.

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  25. This is written in such a unique and hilarious style that I am glad I stumbled upon it. I am applying to publishing internships myself right now and so I googled something with the words "internship" "publishing" and "cougar scat" perhaps--I forget exactly what, but here I am.

    I suppose I will ask if you have any specific advice to me as someone seeking a career in publishing. Prune my innocent expectation leaves with your shears of wisdom.

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  26. Yeay! You're back. You've been missed.

    But please. I beg of you. No Jungian Psychology. I get enough of that at my real job. *sigh*

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  27. Huzzah, intern! Uh, ex-intern!

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  28. Glad you're back! I shall follow your future career with particular interest.

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  29. Hooray! Looking forward to more INTERN.

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  30. Huzzah INTERN! And welcome back =)

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  31. I'm so happy that you're back! I love this blog!

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  32. What a happy surprise to find you back here, just when I've returned from a quick trip to your wonderful former city. Happy frolicking.

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  33. OMG!! You're back! I've missed you and techie boyfriend.

    Welcome back.
    Hugs,
    Lola

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