Sunday, March 20, 2011

sunday special edition: your publishing horoscope for this week

Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20):

New possibilities arise when you have an extremely vivid dream in which the most gorgeous boy you have ever seen burns a stack of library books while gently whispering the words “YA paranormal”.

Aries (March 21-April 20):

A critique partnership could flower into something more this week—isn’t it time you read between the line edits?

Taurus (April 21-May 20):

A literary acquaintance who previously spurned you will come back unexpectedly with an offer of representation. Proceed with caution—is she really the best match for your work?

Gemini (May 21-June 20):

Quick reflexes could prove extremely valuable when a freak power outage threatens to wipe your 110,000-word manuscript out of existence. The oracle has said this before and she’ll say it again: back up your work.

Cancer (June 21-July 22):

A work-in-progress will go in a bold new direction when a stranger comes to town, throwing your entire worldview into question and sowing romantic chaos among your close-knit and culturally-diverse circle of friends.

Leo (July 22-Aug. 22):

Sympathetic writer-friends can make a stressful period easier to bear. But beware the temptation to turn critique sessions into opportunities to get completely $%# hammered, lest your WIP become gin-stained.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Patience will be essential this week as you await response to an important query. Resist the temptation to follow up by e-mail or telephone—good things come to those who gnaw their fingernails to the bone while hanging in agonizing limbo.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):

Gossip about an acquaintance who has recently signed with a sought-after agent will reach you today. Don’t let yourself be overcome by jealousy—your turn is coming too. But in the meantime, perhaps your acquaintance would be kind enough to honor you with a glowing referral?

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):

Things may not go as planned this week when a dashing stranger taps you on the shoulder, asks if you happen to be working on a novel, and, upon finding out that you are, humbly inquires whether you would consider signing a four-book deal with Simon & Schuster, right here, right now. No need to query.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

Romantic turmoil ensues when your significant other discovers your ongoing flirtation with your critique partner, whose inline comments have become increasingly steamy over the past few weeks. It might be time for you to acknowledge that AbsoluteWrite is not a dating site.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-January 20): ←INTERN!

The aforementioned freak power outage takes a bizarre twist when Techie Boyfriend and the Ranch Hands go into the city for the weekend and you realize you are all alone with Creepy Caretaker and nothing but bobcats to hear you scream.

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19):

Disorientation results when you awaken in the middle of a cornfield, having resolved to draw your writerly inspiration from alien abduction experiences rather than dreams. Now what were those words that bald-headed extraterrestrial whispered in your ear again? “YA space opera?”


happy Sunday from INTERN.


  1. Note to self: put the WIP away before busting out the gin.

  2. This is the best thing ever. How did they know I would be insanely jealous today?! Oh, I'm like that all the time... Oops.


  3. You have filled a Scorpio writer, who doesn't dream of sparkly vampires, with great hope! I'll be sure to have my laptop everywhere. btw, great to see you blogging again.

  4. I feel like the gin adds a certain je ne sais quoi, personally.

  5. So maybe she's not the right agent for me, there's still that guy I met last week.

  6. thankfully, i'm not all that into YA Paranormal.

    -- Tom

  7. free psychic phone readings

    I and my group went to a fortune teller once. She told us our future. After going out from her place, I couldn't stop myself to smile as I remembered what the fortune teller told to us. No one can predict the future but only God.

  8. Stupid question and way late, but how are we supposed to tell on March 20 whether it's a corn field or not? Nobody in the northern hemisphere sows that early, do they?