Enter my awesome amazing contest to win an ARC/first-chapter critique/my agent’s secret e-mail address/this weird pair of underwear I found at the laundromat.
Awesome, right? Enter right now! But first make sure you read the rules (see below).
1. Before you enter, you must first tweet about this contest a minimum of ten times.
2. Also, your tweets need to be in ALL CAPS.
3. Also, you need to follow my blog, and my agent’s blog, and my mom’s blog, and this blog. No fair unfollowing after the contest is over!
4. Also, you need to display this extremely large and poorly-designed button on your blog for the duration of the contest and for three months afterwards:
5. Also, you need to change your profile picture on Facebook to display my book cover.
6. Also, you need to leave reviews of my book on Amazon, GoodReads, and one other venue of your choice.
7. Also, you need to provide screenshots IN TRIPLICATE of said reviews, tweets, profile picture, etc.
8. Also, said screenshots must be notarized by a notary public.
9. Also, you need to write a 250-word paragraph explaining why you want to enter this contest.
10. Also, you need to include a SASE. What, I didn’t mention you can only formally declare your entrancehood BY MAIL?
11. Also, the contest is only open between 3:02 AM and 3:01 AM on Sunday, April 2nd, 1872. YOU FIGURE IT OUT.
12. Also, you get bonus points if you create multiple Twitter, Facebook, Blogger, and Gmail accounts for the sole purpose of entering this contest multiple times.
13. Also, this contest will be capped at 5,000 entires.
That’s all, guys! HAVE FUN ENTERING THE BEST CONTEST EVER*.
Anyone else want an ibuprofen?
*at this point, INTERN would like to state that Twitter Pitch contests actually seem like a pretty neat idea**.
**but not if entering one is harder than filling out your #$@$@ tax return***.
***but seriously, where's the ibuprofen?