Huzzah! 'Tis twenty-twelve! INTERN hopes you all had a very happy New Year full of sparkly hats and treacherous discount champagne. INTERN had a fine winter holiday during which she went 99% laptop free. Now that she's plugged herself back in, here's the news:
1. In a few days, INTERN and Techie Boyfriend will be moving to a highly dubious "ecovillage" in Northern California, where they will be contractually obligated to engage in a weekly drum circle with their newfound "community". Said ecovillage features such eco-friendly amenities as an "outdoor shower" (actually a rusty bucket full of rainwater) and a shed full of hula hoops. Why is INTERN moving to such a place? 'Cause that's what you get for surfing the housing ads on Craigslist at 2 AM on Christmas Eve after Techie Boyfriend's mother has mixed you too many pomegranate martinis. That's why.
3. INTERN got a Nook for Christmas and so has officially dipped her paw in the e-book revolution. While riding various planes, trains, and ferries over the holidays, INTERN realized that the worst part about e-readers isn't the reading-on-a-screen part (which is actually quite pleasant), but the fact that you can't sneak a glance at what a fellow passenger is reading (no cover or spine!) INTERN never realized how much she enjoyed scoping out other people's reading material until so many people started using Kindles and Nooks, at which point it became nearly impossible. Humph.
5. In other news, INTERN has decided to reinvent herself as an obscure Language poet known only by the pen name B'nan (like "banana" but so much more experimental). Look out for hand-stapled, limited edition chapbooks by B'nan showing up at a Walmart near you (yes, at a Walmart—B'nan is nothing if not a master of irony!) B'nan will also be available for live readings provided that a dinner of poached eel and pickled eggs is made available in the green room.
7. INTERN is also contemplating writing a line of business-and-marketing ebooks under the pen name Chad B. Winning (which sounds rather businessy to INTERN's ears). Said ebooks will be mostly fluff with the occasional pull quote taken randomly from a famous-quotations website and having no bearing whatsoever on the topic at hand. INTERN will also produce a series of business-and-marketing Webinars consisting of pitches for future Webinars. You are all invited to join INTERN in the tropical compound she will invariably purchase as a result of these enterprises.
9. But seriously—ecovillage. If you thought INTERN's hair was matted before, check again in a month.
That's all INTERN's news for today. What escapades, japes, and capers did you get up to over the holidays? INTERN wants to know!