INTERN generally demurs from writing about fiction queries, because that subject is already covered so expertly by blogs like queryshark, pitch clinic and others. But over the past few months, INTERN has been seeing pretty decent fiction queries, followed up by really awful (or almost good, but not quite—which is more awful than truly awful) fiction chapters, and little stores of irkdom and despair have been building up in her heart. Then there was the Writing Retreat, where much Fiction Writing Advice was bandied about, and many of the recurring characteristics of these pseudo-interesting submissions suddenly made sense.
Hence, INTERN is declaring the next 7-10 days (or however long it takes to write 7 posts) F&M week (Fiction and its cousin, Memoir).
Topics to be covered include: higher metaphors! those pesky organisms called characters! suspense—yes, even memoirs need it! how not to write for kids! (in case you haven't been listening to Editorial Anonymous) how to make $ writing while you're waiting for that huge book deal! and so much more! there will be jousting and pancakes, too.
PS. Why don't you read The Rejectionist? Tis a lark!
PPS: OK, for anyone interested, the First Chapter Jousting Match is, indeed, still on and running until 5 PM tomorrow (thursday). Rules are still: send INTERN the first chapter of your unpublished novel or memoir and $10 (internspills @ gmail.com) on paypal. If it's cooked (i.e. ready to be submitted to an agent or editor as a sample chapter), INTERN sends you $20. If it's uncooked, you get $10 credit towards any editing service by INTERN. The clock is a'ticking!
Update:INTERN has been getting lots of Fiction jousters, but so far no Memoir jousters. What's going on? Onwards, brave memoirists!
Can there be jousting WITH pancakes, please? I'd pay to see that.ReplyDelete
While your touching on F&M, care to throw in your $.02 on advances? I posted a blog about it today, and agent Colleen Lindsay was tweeting about this weekend. I'm dying to hear more opinions.ReplyDelete
And I would send you my first chapter to munch on, but it's still frozen and needs to be thawed :)
Does it have to be from a manuscript we're currently shopping? Can it be a first chapter from an WIP that we send in just cuz we're curious and have nothing better to do with our money other than feeding the INTERN?ReplyDelete
Where is the snake oil.ReplyDelete
Holy Madoff, Batman, it's a Ponzi scheme!ReplyDelete
Anon: It's called 7 Days of Fiction BOONDOGGLERY for a reason! :)ReplyDelete
I have to repeat what Livia asked - can it just be a WIP or does it have to be something we're shopping? Because if it can be a WIP, I'm totally interested!ReplyDelete
"how to make $ writing while you're waiting for that huge book deal"ReplyDelete
I am all OVER that!
And, I fear that the INTERN is at financial risk, because the people who seek out and read agent/editor/intern blogs are far more likely to have actually done their homework and studied their craft than those poor schlubs in your daily slush pile... you should limit it to people who have not yet gotten requests for partials or something like that!
I'll send ya 10 smackers... IF you can find the invisible snake I keep in the back pocket of my Big John overalls - Price $10 a look-see!
Catholic guilt...LOL, been there done that! And to this day, I can still say the Mass in Latin - haven't been to church in years. Yes, I was an altar boy. (am counting on God having a really great sense of humor and likes Jack Daniels, Black label)!
Haste yee back ;-)
Jousting with Pancakes . . . Isn't that a Kevin Costner movie?ReplyDelete
Alright, WIP-eroos, you're on! INTERN has taken down initial challenge from the blog post, because she is being eaten alive by worry that she is coming across as some kind of swindler. And INTERN really doesn't want to give anyone the wrong idea. But if you've read the challenge and are game, the offer stands!ReplyDelete
You didn't come across badly at all. I'm not eligible, but ten bucks is hardly a crazy amount for this. I was more concerned you were gonna lose your rent money.ReplyDelete
I suppose there will be maple syrup involved with the pancakes? Only I like Aunt Jemima fake syrup. sigh.ReplyDelete
There was a challenge??? I couldn't look online today! NOOOOOO!!! I love a challenge.ReplyDelete
sniff. Where are the pancakes? sniff.
INTERN, I loved the idea. It wasn't swindly at all. Consider putting it back up. The people seem interested!ReplyDelete
Squee! Thank you, INTERN!ReplyDelete
But now the post has changed. Have I missed the deadline? ...What was the deadline?
I'm looking forward to F&M Week! (Sounds like it will involve whips and restraints of some kind. Fun!)ReplyDelete
Also, The Rejectionist is hilarious and insightful. I hope you all check it out!
Dear First-Chapter Jousters,ReplyDelete
The original challenge was to send INTERN the first chapter of your making-the-rounds or in-progress unpublished novel or memoir and $10 on p-pal, and if your chapter was cooked (ie. ready to be submitted), INTERN would send you $20. And if it was uncooked, the $10 would count as credit towards any editing service offered by INTERN! Deadline tomorrow. 24 hours left!!!
Please don't forget to remind Fiction-ers not to forget the oft-ignored principle of "RAISING THE STAKES," not to be confused or replaced by "JUMPING THE SHARK."ReplyDelete
It's oh-so-sad and -common to get two-thirds of the way into a story just to see the writer spinning their wheels, or walking in a small square, or similarly wasting the reader's time trying to find their pace.
Write the ending first then I can't write myself into a black hole with no headlight! In other words... "Make it up backwards!"
Here's to *Up the Jeopardy!*
Haste yee back ;-)
I came because I heard rumors of pancakes and bloodshed. If I had 10 bucks it would sooo be yours! I take my pancakes with the buttery goodness of Mrs. Buttersworth, and my "blood" in the form of tomato juice, vodka, a splash of tabasco, and celery as my jousting thingy. I don't know if my WIP is cooked, but I think my goose is.ReplyDelete
Boondogglery is a great word. I have to admit I was a bit skeptical of the challenge because it seems to prey on authors desperate to have their work accepted and thus willing to shell out money to someone they don't know.ReplyDelete
Also, speaking from experience at a literary agency, it's possible that even if authors pass the query and first chapter test, their work as a whole might not be considered if agents don't find it organically great.
I'm in for the pancakes.ReplyDelete
Is this still happening?ReplyDelete